Sunday, October 30, 2011

Moving along and putting life in perspective….

 

Okay, I am getting over myself finally.  Two weeks later, I am finally ready to put Bay State 2011 behind me.  Thank you for your very nice comments.  They all mean SO very much to me! 

I still have no clue if I stressed myself out or had a virus, but looking back, I can highlight a few things that probably caused me some stress that day.

First, I HATE HATE being late…. so arriving to the marathon so close before the start was so very stressful to me.  For me, I was not relaxed at ALL when I started running.

Because I was stressed out, I simply was not in the right frame of mind from the start. I could not put myself in the zone that day.  In my best races, I just go.  There is complete flow, and I just zoom as what feels right.  Very little thinking is involved.  Bay State 2011- I was thinking WAY too much.  Was my husband getting bored while I was running?  Was he able to handle the stroller and the dog?  Why was I not in the zone?  Why did this feel hard?

I also think that my timing with my marathon was slightly off in terms of my work schedule.  The week before the race, I had just returned from a two week work trip to Europe.  We left for Nantucket the next morning and spent the rest of Columbus Day weekend there.  I then came home and threw myself into mothering Jack and Cisco the dog, being a nice wife (as I had left my husband with them for two weeks!) and catching up both in the office and at home.  Needless to say, I wore myself into the ground the week before the marathon, mentally and physically.

This is where I started to put many things in perspective.  I realized that I am placing  a LOT of stress on myself right now. Although life being crazy and hectic is all about perspective, my life is a little bit much for me right now.  I work full time and probably do 90% of the household work.  My husband is awesome, but simply is not domestic.  Also, I am crazy about what we eat, and he would order takeout every night. 

Next, on average, I am commuting three hours a day.  Between drop offs for child and dog daycare and getting to work, it takes about one and a half hours to go 25 miles.  And then, I turn around at the end of the day and do it all over again.  Realizing I managed to train for a marathon while living this life made me appreciate myself a little bit more and cut myself a little slack.

I also need to let my working mother and working wife guilt go a little bit.  My perspective was that I did not want my husband and son to feel any crunch by my busy work schedule.  But, I finally realized that this is not possible.  My life with work is busy, and it will affect my ability to mother and be a good wife.  And, because I was so crazy with this idea, I put some of the things I like to do aside.  I needed to change that.  This past week, I was creative with baking, making Halloween cake-pops.  I love to bake and give to others.  This project was a great outlet!  I went to hot yoga multiple times and bought the Jillian Michaels’ YOGA MELTDOWN DVD.  I took the time to not just read blogs this week, but to actually comment. I made time for me and I feel refreshed.

Okay, I am a little recentered.  Not quite there yet, but aiming for it!

3 comments:

  1. Hey girl. I love this last paragraph. I relate to it on so many levels. I am the queen of feeling guilt and wanting to do it all but it is nice to have friends in my life to remind me that let it go and not feel like I have to do it all. I'm going to post a post tomorrow about creating a balance bucket where I can having something tangible to put my lists of things I want to fit in...they will be cut up and stuck in the bucket and out of my mind. When I'm feeling like I'm a bit out of balance I can just reach in and pull out ONE thing that I can work on for the next day, week or whatever. Instead of trying to do it all at once. And taking time for ourselves is so important...especially our creative sides (your baking)...I feel so strongly that this helps balance our brain and make a more WHOLE us! :) Athlete, mothers, friend, wife...self.

    Glad you are letting go of your race residue a bit more. Always so much processing to do after something we've trained for for so long. I need to get this Jilian DVD for when I'm having a meltdown. :)

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  2. Dearest AR, I read this post last night while I was in bed and it made me tear up. I often think the same things- how is it possible to get everything done with a two hour commute, a long workday, etc- but add a child into the equation and marathon training and you seriously are such an inspiration to me. I hope you know how much you motivate me professionally and athletically. Hope we can meet up soon!!!

    Also, you should check out my NY post- I'd love your insight! xo

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  3. I can't imagine how you managed to train for a marathon with your schedule! I work 30hrs a week and have way less commute time and find it challenging. I'm glad you took some time to do fun stuff this week. It's important to do those little things that make you feel like a good mom. It's a crazy balance working running moms have to find and it looks different every week.

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