Okay, I am getting over myself finally. Two weeks later, I am finally ready to put Bay State 2011 behind me. Thank you for your very nice comments. They all mean SO very much to me!
I still have no clue if I stressed myself out or had a virus, but looking back, I can highlight a few things that probably caused me some stress that day.
First, I HATE HATE being late…. so arriving to the marathon so close before the start was so very stressful to me. For me, I was not relaxed at ALL when I started running.
Because I was stressed out, I simply was not in the right frame of mind from the start. I could not put myself in the zone that day. In my best races, I just go. There is complete flow, and I just zoom as what feels right. Very little thinking is involved. Bay State 2011- I was thinking WAY too much. Was my husband getting bored while I was running? Was he able to handle the stroller and the dog? Why was I not in the zone? Why did this feel hard?
I also think that my timing with my marathon was slightly off in terms of my work schedule. The week before the race, I had just returned from a two week work trip to Europe. We left for Nantucket the next morning and spent the rest of Columbus Day weekend there. I then came home and threw myself into mothering Jack and Cisco the dog, being a nice wife (as I had left my husband with them for two weeks!) and catching up both in the office and at home. Needless to say, I wore myself into the ground the week before the marathon, mentally and physically.
This is where I started to put many things in perspective. I realized that I am placing a LOT of stress on myself right now. Although life being crazy and hectic is all about perspective, my life is a little bit much for me right now. I work full time and probably do 90% of the household work. My husband is awesome, but simply is not domestic. Also, I am crazy about what we eat, and he would order takeout every night.
Next, on average, I am commuting three hours a day. Between drop offs for child and dog daycare and getting to work, it takes about one and a half hours to go 25 miles. And then, I turn around at the end of the day and do it all over again. Realizing I managed to train for a marathon while living this life made me appreciate myself a little bit more and cut myself a little slack.
I also need to let my working mother and working wife guilt go a little bit. My perspective was that I did not want my husband and son to feel any crunch by my busy work schedule. But, I finally realized that this is not possible. My life with work is busy, and it will affect my ability to mother and be a good wife. And, because I was so crazy with this idea, I put some of the things I like to do aside. I needed to change that. This past week, I was creative with baking, making Halloween cake-pops. I love to bake and give to others. This project was a great outlet! I went to hot yoga multiple times and bought the Jillian Michaels’ YOGA MELTDOWN DVD. I took the time to not just read blogs this week, but to actually comment. I made time for me and I feel refreshed.
Okay, I am a little recentered. Not quite there yet, but aiming for it!